Yesterday was the first day of the M0 research program. There were 20 of us incoming medical students who decided to give up the last month of our last summers to learn the ropes on how to do translational and informatics research. As an ice-breaker after the first set of lectures, we went around during lunch and everyone said where they were from, what their favorite show or book was, their favorite pizza topping, and what specialty they wanted to pursue.
Everyone in that room was there to get a headstart on doing research. Naturally, most everyone also wanted to go into competitive specialties. There were quite a few orthopedics. A couple cardiology too. Some neurosurgery.
But when it was my turn to answer the questions, I honestly forgot what they were. I said where I was from. I was originally gonna say that my favorite show was Arrested Development but someone sniped it 10 people ago.
I also had some of my favorite pizza toppings stolen, and so I did what I think I do too often, and decided to go with a purposely strange answer. It was true that I did work at a pizza place when I was in high school, so I said that as a preface. I had eaten some weird pizzas. But one of the best pizzas I ever made, and then had to eat because no one picked it up, was an anchovy, mushroom and alfredo pizza. Now, in the moment, all I remembered was that the fish on said pizza were tiny. So I said that my topping was sardines, but only on white sauce.
That got quite a few reactions. So many that everyone forgot that I didn't answer the last question. I didn't feel an urge to say anything.
I don't really know what specialty I want to go into. I have enough humility to know I can't speak for everyone in that room, but I know for a fact that most of them don't either. It's not till we put on that white coat a month from now that we'll actually be med students. God knows it'll be even longer before we're competent enough to feel like we are.
I haven't seen enough. We haven't seen enough. That's the answer I give people who pester me about that question. It's cowardly but it's true.
But I don't blame anyone in that room for saying what they said. It would have been even more cowardly to hide behind some kind of farce and to say that they wanted to become something they didn't.
It would have also been impossible for some of them to have said what they said any later than when they had said it.
There is no such thing anymore as falling in love with neurosurgery.
In theory, that's what the clinical years are supposed to be for. You're supposed to date the specialties. You get into a messy situationship with emergency medicine. You have what you thought was gonna be a little elective fling with plastics but your mind stays hung up weeks after you've left the service.
A third year medical student can't do one clerkship and then pivot their ERAS application to matrimoniously match into dermatology. No, these days the sacred union between ophthalmology and ophthalmologist must always be arranged. It must be planned. By the time the speed-dating starts, you're already engaged.
If you want to be an orthopedic surgeon, you need a plan, an attending acting as a marriage counselor, and a whole dowry of research papers. You need to crush the boards, you need to honor all the rotations. And starting this year, my cohort and anyone else who attends this medical school will probably need to honor their didactics. One misstep and the whole wedding's called off.
And so that's why everyone in that room was there. They were all gunners. I was in that room, so I guess I'm part of everyone. But I don't know my future specialty. I don't even know her name. I can only hope that every step I take helps me learn more about her, or who she isn't. I think she's clinical. I think she likes to talk to people. I think she'd make me work hard, but let me sleep once in a while. I hope she keeps my mind busy, but I also wouldn't mind if she let me have some peace and monotony every now and then while my brain spins up other dumb essays.
I'll end up in an arranged match. I hope I learn to love her and we grow together. I just wish I'd gotten the chance to fall in love first.